what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
