Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
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I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
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I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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