Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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