the new term for farting is butt boxing.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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