What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
It's no shave November. This is our time.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
