No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
