i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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