What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
