Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
