Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
