I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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