My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
