Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
