ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
