Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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