he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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