she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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