why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
