I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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