how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
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I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
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On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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