you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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