didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
