hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
