Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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