My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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