so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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