Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
