I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
