just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
