But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
