Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
