When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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