I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
