i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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