She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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