At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
