Whats the glycemic index on semen?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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