The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
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he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
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I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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