i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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