Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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