I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
