I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
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Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
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My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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