Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
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I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
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She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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