I got chris browned last night
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
