when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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