people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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