There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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