after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
