Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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