I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
We were destined to go to rehab together
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
