this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
