Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
