I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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