I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize
