I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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