He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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