like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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