weddingsv make me drug and hornr
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
