i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize