I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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