I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
