I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
