I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
