he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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