dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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